The Voice that Matters Most

It seems like the world gets louder and louder all the time.  We can be inundated with the noises that fill our world and our heads.   Sometimes there are beautiful sounds, the kind that calm us, make us smile, and help us feel comforted.  Others make us jump, spark fear, and leave us afraid.  And then there are the voices we hear, day in and day out.  We can be told what to do, how to feel, what do think, and hear the endless opinions from all around us. Some of the voices lift us up, while others seem to be more negative.

But do you ever stop to think about the voice that matters most? 

With everything going on around us, and so many noises and voices constantly filling the television, the radio, and our daily lives, we can forget, that there is one voice…that is always talking to us; that can truly make a difference in how we see ourselves and our world. 

The voice that matters most…is our own!

It’s easy to overlook, but we are talking to ourselves all day, every day.  (Sometimes, some of us like myself actually do it out loud, but most of the time, it’s just the voice in our head).

But that voice in our head, the one who is always talking to us…is the one we need to pay most attention to, because whether or not we know, we are always listening.  It’s our “self-talk”.

“Loving or hating the life you are living is solely all in your repeated self-talk.” – Edward Mbiaka

First, let’s back up

When we are little, our first ideas of ourselves come from our experiences from the people around us.  Our mothers, fathers, grandparents, and caregivers, send us messages, maybe verbal or unspoken, about who we are through their interactions with us.

Hopefully, we get the messages that we are loved, cared for, important, and worthy.  But sadly, there are times the noise of the outside world tells us we don’t matter, we weren’t counted, or we aren’t the priority.

Either way, regardless of the message, whether positive or negative…it sets the tone for how you move into this big, crazy world seeing yourself.

As we grow up, we are often repeating the messages and words we got as a kid, and now, we are the ones telling ourselves whatever we became accustomed to as our truth.

What if the messages aren’t good?

The good news, is that even if the original messages weren’t ones that encouraged and inspired you…it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Even if you are constantly negative, putting yourself down, doubting your every step and every move—you can change the voice!

Anyone, willing to put in the effort, can change their self-talk, and build within themselves, the ability to see themselves for the beautiful, worthy, capable being that they are.  They can learn to feel compassion, for themselves and others, and acknowledge their efforts and accomplishments, to continue moving towards a place of gratitude and self-love. 

It is a practice…step by step, and day by day, to let your voice become the one you deserve, and the one that will build the ever important and crucial belief in yourself.

“Watch what you tell yourself, you’re likely to believe it.” – Russ Kyle

How to build the best self-talk

• Stop and listen.  The first step, literally, is to slow down and pay attention to what you are already saying.  You have to see where you are at, to know where to go.
  • What do you say when you make a mistake? Or when you fail? How do you talk to yourself when you make the wrong choice?  Do you berate yourself, or are you able to recognize it’s just a mistake and let go?
  • What’s the self-talk like when you look in the mirror? Do you point out every flaw, and look for every area you want to improve? Or can you smile at yourself, telling yourself that you are beautiful, just as you are?
  • Can you be kind to yourself when the going gets tough, or are you your own worst enemy?
  • Stop and listen, to really understand what that voice has been telling you.

• Challenge yourself.    Once you hear the words, you need to ask yourself the all-important question—Is it really true?  Or are you just repeating the doubt, fear, and insecurities that play in our heads when we forget to see our own brilliance?
  • All of us can doubt ourselves, but it doesn’t mean we have to accept the thought and the belief that we aren’t capable. Once we hear the voice and realize it is hurting us, not helping us, we have to challenge the negative thoughts, until we can replace that doubtful voice with the one that sees us for the brilliant, perfectly imperfect person, who is working to better themselves and shine a little more brightly every day!
  • You need to put those thoughts and that talk on trial—and if the voice is hurting you, berating you, pulling you down or forcing you to doubt yourself—challenge it for what it is—lies, fears, and insecurities trying to keep us from being our best selves and living our best lives.
  • Challenge the voice—and replace those thoughts with truth—that yes, you are enough; you are deserving of the effort, the work, and also the forgiveness.  You can remind yourself, that we are all works in progress, and yet still deserving of being loved and accepted, flaws and all, every step of the way.

• Practice, practice, practice.    Most likely, it took years of practice to become so accustomed to the negative self-talk that you don’t even hear it as a voice.  So, in all fairness, it will take time and effort to replace that voice, with the one you have always deserved to hear.
  • The practice is simple, but that doesn’t make it easy.  Like any task that needs mastery, it will take time, and lots of practice.  But every day, with practice, you can literally change the voice that matters most, and with that, the very way you see yourself.
  • Suggestion–find the books, movies, and music that help reinforce the right words and the empowering thoughts as you begin to change the talk. **Special bonus–listen to The Greatest Showman’s “This is Me” song for the strongest self-empowerment song I have ever heard—put it on a playlist and memorize the words until they become your truth. (“When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be–this is me!”)

• Write it down.  Maybe you have heard this before, but the simple act of writing something down on paper, and putting it in writing, can make something that much more likely to happen.
  • Seeing the words written down can make them more real.  And when we talk about our self-talk, we need to see, hear, and believe the words.   
  • So, write down who you really are…as you, in the now.  “I am worthy”. “I am capable”. “I am beautiful”.  “I am loved”.  Whatever it is you need to be reminded of…write it down.  Let yourself see the words, that over time can and will become your truth.

• Say it out loud.    Anyone who has seen the movie “The Help” can appreciate this, but here is what you need to remember.  YOU ARE SMART.  YOU ARE KIND. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.  Whatever message you need to hear—you need to speak it into this world and hear it with your own ears, coming from your own mouth.
  • Changing our self-talk takes intention and effort.  Begin by speaking your positive, self-loving truth into existence and that will set you on the journey to self-belief.   
  • Speak that truth to yourself, every day, out loud, until you finally realize that is exactly who you are.

• Share your truth with others.  If they don’t know how amazing you are, don’t ever be afraid to let them know as well.  Maybe your incredible self-talk will help them treat you how you deserve, and maybe it will even help them build their own self-talk.
  • Keep in mind that we teach others how we expect to be treated, first and foremost, by how we treat ourselves.  It’s our job to remind ourselves and others of how incredible we are—not just so they can learn who we really are, but also so that we can remind ourselves of our own worth.

• Repeat (as often as needed).  Repeat, until the practice becomes your truth.  Repeat, until the voice becomes the one you have always deserved.  Repeat, until you truly recognize your brilliance and worth in this world.

• Forgive yourself when you fall back into old habits. And love yourself, all along the way.

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” -Henry Ford

Everyone needs a champion

It is hard to deny that there isn’t negativity around us.  We seem to always be reminded about the expectations of what we are supposed to be, and the idea that we should always be more, do more, and try harder.  

But maybe that is just because the world forgot to practice its own self-talk. Maybe the world started to believe that if it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t enough?  But the truth, the beautiful truth—is that the true beauty in this life—comes in the form of never-ending compassion, dedication, and resilience.  True beauty comes from appreciating all that we are and recognizing the power in loving ourselves and honoring our worth.

“Tell yourself who you are. That you are beautiful, and full of light and love. That is truth talking. That is what we must listen to.” -Ora Nadrich

Everyone deserves to have a champion in their lives.  Someone who is always willing to remind them that no one is perfect, and our imperfections don’t diminish our worth.

We all need that voice that tells us we can fail, and still be great, still reach incredible goals and do amazing things.  And maybe, you were gifted with people in your lives, who have been and will continue to be your champion.  But if not, you can learn to be the champion for yourselves.  You can teach others, it’s okay to be your own hero, lift yourself up, and always listen to the voice that matters most. 

Love and light to all!